I can recall my first experience with mindfulness practice in June of 2011, just a few weeks into my sober journey. I landed in a homeless shelter in the town where I lived and remained cooped up on my bed for the first few days out of fear of pretty much everything around me. My third day there was a Sunday. It was a free day for anybody on the property. You could stay on the grounds all day or roam freely as long as you were back by curfew, and in time to do your chores.
I was assigned to work in the kitchen. It was probably the best chore that could’ve been assigned to me. So I had all day to find something to do. I had a bike, so I set off for the day and headed towards the beach.
I had a backpack of items, including a magazine, sunglasses, a notebook, and a beach towel. I remember sitting on the beach feeling lucky that the shelter was so close by. The beach has always been my favorite place for reflection. I remember sitting there on my towel looking around at all of the people enjoying the day, just like they would enjoy any weekend day, swimming, laughing, listening to music, setting up picnics, and playing in the sand with their children. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was a part of the world around me. It felt normal.
After the beach, I set off in search of some lunch at the closest grocery store. It was a spectacular sunny day and the sun felt so good as I rode. Along my bike journey, I took a moment to stop my bike periodically and look around. I journaled every idea or thought as it came to me. I started making a list of all the places along my route where I could apply for jobs. I found myself filling up with a sense of freedom that I hadn’t felt in years. At a time where I would expect to feel depressed and hopeless, I felt liberated and full of joy and hope. I realized at that moment that I could do anything. I had the opportunity to create something completely new. I had nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It was the first time that I smiled a true genuine smile in years. I continued on my way, and by the time I got back to the house for my chores, I had pages full of ideas for my future. I had a desire, the motivation, and the passion to start over. And then I felt something unfamiliar. I felt belief in myself.
That was the first day that I cleaned myself up, took a shower, put on makeup. I showed up for my chore, ready to serve food to the other homeless residents with a smile and with love and kindness. From that point on, and for the rest of my time there. I showed up that way for myself and others, and I set an intention to not go to bed until I had an action plan for the next day.
The very next day after that spiritual awakening, I set off on my bike with my backpack and a change of clothes, headed to my favorite outdoor mall that I was quite familiar with, and got a job. It was a “get well job” that would give me a sense of purpose and help me pay the $7 weekly fee for my bed at the shelter. It would help me get back on my feet. This was the job that literally helped me start rebuilding my life.
The point of this personal share is what mindfulness practice did for me that day. I didn’t know that I was engaging in it, but mindfulness practice is simply being in the present moment without judgment. It’s how we pay attention, allowing ourselves to let go and just experience the sensations around us without an agenda. I always call that day out on my bike - my day with God. As I look back on it now and reflect, it was a day of enlightenment, an egoless state where my highest self aligned with source energy. I was operating on a high frequency, therefore was met with other high vibrations along my journey that day. And I stayed with that feeling. I call it hope. I got a glimpse of it, and I held on tight. It felt so good, better than any drink had ever made me feel. And I realized that there was something else out there for me. Something bigger and better.