Ask my Mom about her marriage to my father, her divorce and everything in between, and she'll tell you about it with the clarity as if it all happened yesterday. Then ask her about a conversation from earlier this morning and she'll have no clue what you're talking about. 

It's one of the great mysteries of Alzheimer's, and there's really no way to anticipate what they will remember or not. As we know, Alzheimer's affects short term memory, but there are plenty of things from my mom's past that she cannot recollect - like the day she adopted me or being president of the mother's club at my high school, or the trip we took across the Atlantic Ocean on the QEII in 1982. I mean, these were big events, and she can't remember many of them. So when she can recall specifics around things like her marriage and divorce, I sometimes joke that she has a selective memory. She holds onto things she is resentful and angry about, but so many good memories from the past seem to have faded.

Her short-term memory is so short, she often can't remember some of her closest friends' names anymore. Unless she sees a picture or has them standing right in front of her, she won't recall who they are just through a conversation about them. And even then, I question whether or not she is putting on a show because it's easier to pretend that she remembers. 

What I have acknowledged for myself here is that the important things have not been forgotten - her kids, grandchildren, cousins and her favorite niece. She knows when it's time to eat, she takes her own showers, makes her own breakfast and gets herself ready for bed. She knows her favorite TV shows and that Mass is on TV on Sundays. SSubscribe!he keeps a paper planner filled with her activities to help her stay on track. Other than that, she pretty much lives in the here and now, like others with dementia, because that's the nature of the disease.

And so there is a lesson for which she has been my greatest teacher - living in the here and now.

Isn't that something we all struggle with as we run on autopilot, day after day? Dwelling on past events, trying to figure out the future, holding onto shit from the past and weighing ourselves down? My Mom literally has to live in the present moment much of the time, because when you have Alzheimer's, at some point that is all you have. Right here, right now. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Now.

Mom is still pretty early on as far as I am concerned, so her memory still jumps around. But I do recognize, having had a great aunt that had severe Alzheimer's, that this moment is precious, and it is what they are focused on. It makes sense to them in this very minute. It may not tomorrow, but it does right now. So BE THERE with them. Experience it together. Embrace it however you have to, and acknowledge the moment you are in with them and make it count. 

Take this as a lesson on how wonderful being in the moment is for our souls. Look at their face when you show up and hug them, take them for a walk or look through a photo album. The experience right now is what's in their heart. They smile, they light up, they feel joy. 

Take that moment with you and put it into practice in your own life. How wonderful it is to take something so beautiful from a disease that can tear your heart out at times. How encouraging it is to know that we can still learn so much from them, because for many of us, they were our heroes.